Ok, fair warning, I need to vent, so the blog is taking a beating today.
AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
That pretty much sums up my day today. Everything is annoying the hell out of me, i'm tired, I want something to do, yet I don't wanna get off the couch, and the only thing in the whole wide world I want right now is Mike.
I have been feeling like more and more recently, I have/am being walked on - by strangers, by friends, by family, hell even by my cat. I feel like I am waaay to nice. I have always been the kind of person that tries to make plans, tries to talk to people, and goes out of my way so I can make someone else happy. And what do I get? Excuses, cancelled plans, and even being flat out ignored. Part of me is so fed up I don't know why I even bother to try anymore - but part of me (especially since moving up north) takes the beatings and KEEPS trying because I want people to talk to, I want people to hang out and do things with.
Honestly, the only person who hasn't ever walked all over me, or abused how nice I try to be - has been Mike, and I think that's part of the reason I miss him so much right now. I feel like he's the only person in my life (other than my mom and my sister) that goes out of his way to make me happy. When he was home, he was always the one making plans for us, and taking me places, coming to pick me up so I didn't have to drive to see him, the one coming over to see me.
Growing up in the boonies - I've always had to drive to go and see whoever it is that I wanted to see - no one ever wanted to take the time to come out to me. Hell, my ex boyfriend would never hardly come out and see me.
But with Mike, he completely changed all that. He makes me feel appreciated. And even now, when he's 8,000 miles away - he STILL takes the time to work his schedule around me, so that we can talk. He never talks down to me, he always has a positive attitude, and he always makes me laugh and feel better. So days like today when I need him, and he's away on a mission, really suck. I want to do nothing except curl up in a little ball on the couch and not move.
And it doesn't help that except for the group of Army Wives and SO's that I've grown close with, no one seems to understand what I go through with. Everyone of my friends that I am close with has a boyfriend, which takes top priority over whether or not they can hang out with me. So it sucks when I feel like I need someone to be around - to actually be a friend and come hang out with me and watch movies and eat junk food all day - that no one is around. And I've been told more than a few times that Mike being gone is my choice so I have to deal with it. Yes, I chose to be with Mike - BUT I did not choose for him to have to be deployed, especially for a year. And I REALLY REALLY hate it when people complain about missing their SO because they haven't seen them all day, or for a few days. Try going 9 months and see how you feel.
Ugh, so many things are pissing me off today - I just need to rant and rave and stomp my feet and cry and get it all out.
And it doesn't help that everytime I think about Mike - its a memory of something we did together, or the way it feels to be wrapped up in his arms, or being so close you can smell him, or actually laughing with him, to fully see the smile on his face, not one that is distorted by the fuzz of a web camera. I wouldn't give up our Skype dates for the world, but nothing will be as good as having him home again. Having someone who puts me first. And not having to have this alone feeling hanging over me anymore.
September needs to come NOW - I want my best friend home again.
Ok, I'm done ranting - at least I got all of that off my chest. This blogging thing might not be so bad after all :P
Until next time!
I love you Mike - Stay safe hunny
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